As part of my Gaming Fail series I’ve touched on a great many terrible things from the world of video games. I’ve covered games that’re designed to be ‘played’ as little as possible; I’ve covered accessories that don’t actually work and I’ve covered a peripheral that you operate by the use of your eyebrows. What I haven’t covered thus far, however, is something quite as down-right baffling and wrong as today’s offering:

The Wii Car Power adaptor.

Yes, you heard me right… a CAR adaptor for the Wii… that you plug into the cigarette lighter in your car… and no, I haven’t made that up; it’s an actual thing that you can buy from many online retailers and auction sites right now (unless you’re reading this far into the future and hover-cars don’t have  cigarette lighters anymore).

I’ll be honest, when I first saw that the thing for sale, I thought it had to be a joke; or failing that something unrelated. Hell, maybe I was just confused, mistaking a perfectly reasonable accessory for something downright stupid. But, nope, there it was, in all its ‘glory’: a genuine car adaptor for the Wii.

Nope, sorry… I just can’t say that without losing more of my respect for humanity… excuse me a moment while I go bang my head one something solid…

….

Right… so yes, the Wii Car Power adaptor is an actual thing. For those not aware of this fine product, it’s designed to allow you to power a Wii console while in your car. This makes me shake my head in so many different ways. I mean, really… a Wii in a car… an actual car? Why? How?

Ok, so while this is a patently stupid and, frankly, hideously dangerous idea, let’s pretend for a moment that the Wii is a perfectly reasonable thing to wish to use in your family car. From a practical perspective how would that work? Well, as we can see from the pictures I have provided, the adaptor comes with a fairly long cable, which is good right? I mean, that suggests that you don’t have to have the thing in the FRONT SEATS… well, I don’t think so anyway. The cable, I reckon, would allow you to perch the console on the middle armrest between the driver and front passenger, if your vehicle has one. Otherwise, presumably, you’ll have to tape it to the handbrake, which I’m sure we’ll all agree is at least as safe as having an un-anchored plastic box of electronics in the middle of a moving vehicle’s passenger area. So, having secured your Wii, you’re ready to go right? You’ve already got your DVD screens suspended on the backs of the seats ready to go. Well sorry no, your DVD screens don’t have the required composite sockets for the Wii, so you’re out of luck. So, assuming you can’t get a car adaptor for your widescreen (and I really hope you can’t; I didn’t have it in me to search and see) you’re going to have to buy some dedicated small screen LCD TVs.

This done, you’re ready to game. What’s that thought? You’ve only got Wii Sports at the moment? Well good luck playing tennis or baseball in your car! Think the kids are rough in the back of the car now; wait till they’re swinging Wiimotes around! Can you say driving with due care and attention? Oh, and how do you reckon your mirror, signal, manoeuvre process will go when a stray Wiimote flies past your ear in the way familiar to all Wii owners?

Yeah I thought so.

The Wii Car Power adaptor is a prospect quite unlike anything I’ve covered in my career so far; something both ridiculous and dangerous in equal measure. I will hope to all God that the idea behind it is for the rear passengers to use it. I mean, seriously, can you imagine the carnage if the passenger in the front was swinging away as the car barrels down the motorway? I’m ruling out the idea of the driver using it out of sheer human decency.

Now I’m sure many of you are saying, ‘Wait Paul, you’re being unreasonable; people use PS2s in their cars, they could use the Wii’ and while, in theory, yes, you could play using the old GameCube gamepad, let’s face it; that’s not how this thing is going to go down. If we leave aside the fact that using the gamepad would limit you to, what, four viable games; the fact remains that the whole setup is patently ridiculous. Try and picture in your mind’s eye a cable running from the cigarette socket, to a Wii purchased on, at best, an armrest, hooked up to an LCD screen behind the driver or passenger. One screen, I stress, as you ain’t hooking this bad boy up to 2 screens, meaning you’re getting a solo game or a very annoyed second player with a terrible view.

Seriously, picture that situation and tell me it’s anything other than a complete joke.

Yes, I’m sure that in theory the Wii Car Power adaptor has a valid reason to exist. But in theory so did all of the other subjects of Gaming Fail (except Final Fantasy XIII-2 of course). In practice, however, with the merest of consideration the device is shown to be at best impractical and, at worst, highly dangerous.

I honestly don’t know why the Wii Car Power adaptor exits… Wait, yes I do; because people will buy it with the intention of using it; and that scares me.

I just know that somewhere some damn fool has rigged a Wii up on their passenger seat or in their truck cab to use while bored on long-haul trips and that scares the hell out of me.

The Wii Car Power adaptor is a Darwin Award waiting to happen and a sad indictment of us as a species.

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